July 13th, 2011
Life is fragile and unpredictable. Living wills are one way to ensure your wishes will be carried out if and when the time comes for your loved ones to make decisions on your behalf.
With medical science so advanced, it is now possible to prolong one’s life without the realistic prospect of improvement or cure. Some people wish to have their life last as long as possible, even if it means living in a compromised state, while others prefer to limit the artificial prolongation of life.
Living wills let people spell out exactly how they feel about these matters while they are healthy, so that there are no questions when it’s too late to provide answers. Loved ones are grateful for not having to make these difficult decisions and you have peace of mind that your wishes will be honored. If you don’t yet have a living will, we suggest the following websites to learn more about them:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/living-wills/HA00014
http://www.putitinwriting.org/putitinwriting_app/index.jsp
Of course, we are always available to answer any questions you may have. Feel free to contact us at 248-435-9010 or visit our website at www.gramerfuneralhome.com.
Tags: living wills, wills
Posted in Living Wills | No Comments »
June 19th, 2011
On Father’s Day I remember my own father, Henry Gramer, who started Gramer Funeral Home back in 1952. Like my father, I too wanted to help our community and build friendships and connections to last a lifetime. Thank you to everyone whom I have been so honored to serve. It is a privilege for me to be of service when you need me and I wish all the fathers in our special community a happy, healthy and joyous day of celebration.
Tags: Father's Day
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June 13th, 2011
Often our most intense interaction with people in their senior years is when someone in the family dies, such as a grandparent or even great grandparent. The grief that their spouse, siblings or even close friends experience can be deep and painful. But, if you’re a generation or two behind, how can you connect in a meaningful way? Here are some ideas to bridge the gap and bring comfort to your elders:
- Listen. Ask to hear stories about the loved one they just lost. What is something they will always remember? Did they have adventures together? How did they meet? Just a few simple questions will open the door to wonderful memories of happier times.
- Share. As you listen to their stories, think about your own experiences and try to draw connections between their life and yours. Do you have similar hobbies? Have you traveled to the same places? When you can relate your own life to the older generation, it helps build a connection between the two of you.
- Touch. There’s nothing more comforting than a gentle hug, a pat on the back or a warm handshake. Don’t be shy about making a physical connection with seniors who are grieving. They will appreciate your warmth and caring, often more than they can say.
After the funeral, when friends and relatives have moved on to their daily lives, make an effort to stay connected, whether it’s in person or on the phone. Seniors have so much to offer us all, in their well-earned wisdom and inestimable life lessons. They are often an untapped treasure right in front of us if we only just take a little time to listen.
Tags: elderly, grandparents, great grandparents, grief, older generation, seniors
Posted in Elderly | No Comments »
June 6th, 2011
Once the grieving has subsided a bit, one often begins to think about the many changes taking place all around you. If your spouse has recently passed away, one of those changes is the fact that you are now “single.” That can be a very hard adjustment to make, particularly if you were married for a long time.
Of course, however, it is important to accept that your life has changed and to keep moving forward and looking toward the future. But, what about your wedding ring? There are several options for dealing with this most important symbol of your life together. These options depend on where you are in your grief and how you’d like to move forward:
- A simple solution is to move the ring from the hand that symbolizes marriage on to the other hand. This way you still wear the ring, but you are signifying that you are no longer married.
- Some people like to transform their ring(s) in some way. For example, you can remove the stones and place them in a new setting or even make earrings. Alternatively, you can add more gems to the setting to make it fresh and different.
- If you choose to no longer wear the ring(s), you might want to create a place of honor for them, such as a shadow box that can hang on the wall, or a special decorative box that sits on your shelf. Either way creates a nice keepsake that can be passed onto your children and grandchildren.
- If you know that you will never marry again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with continuing to wear your ring as you always have. There are no rules about what you “must” do.
Feel free to put your rings in a jewelry box for the time being, until you decide what is right for you. The most important thing you can do is what feels right for you. There are no rules to guide you, but rather your own honest feelings.
Tags: change, grief, loss of a spouse, wedding ring
Posted in Moving On | No Comments »
May 30th, 2011
Memorial Day is so much more than a 3-day weekend and the year’s first barbeque. Memorial Day is an opportunity to pause and think, even for just a moment, about the brave men and women who have fought for our country and made the ultimate sacrifice.
We are remembering one of our community’s own this day. William Michael Burg was laid to rest here in 2007 at the age of 82. Mr. Burg gave so much to us, serving in the U.S. Navy in World War II and the Korean War. He earned several awards for his service, including the Navy Occupation Service Medal (Japan), Asiatic Pacific Campaign Medal, and the United Nations Service Medal. Mr. Burg was also a life member and Past Commander of American Legion Post David Cleary #167, Clawson and life member of VFW Post #1669 in Royal Oak.
In addition to serving his country, Mr. Burg served his family as well. His greatest love was his family, but he was always available to help anyone who was in need. He was highly skilled with his hands and enjoyed making model ships, often beginning with a kit, but then taking it to a whole new level with this own tools and ideas. He was also an avid rock collector and loved to make jewelry for his family and friends. His wife, Rosemary, still owns the lapidary equipment Mr. Burg used so often.
Today we are thinking of William Michael Burg, his contributions to his country and to his community, and all the other service men and women who gave so much to so many. Thank you Mr. Burg. We are so grateful for your sacrifice.
Posted in Memorial Day Tribute | No Comments »
May 14th, 2011
When you lose a spouse it feels like you have a hole in your life and you don’t know how to navigate that hole. Do you step around it? Fill it in? What’s the right thing to do?
Of course, the right thing to do is what feels right to you. Take your time and heal at your own pace. With time, the hole will grow smaller and smaller. Here are a few things to consider as you adjust to your new life:
- Make a plan: Set some new goals for yourself for where you want to be in 6 months, a year and even 18 months from now. What do you need to do to obtain these goals? For example, do you need to downsize your home? The more control you feel, the quicker you can manage your grief.
- Start something new: When change occurs in your life it is a good time to try something new. What have you wanted to do for some time but haven’t given it a go – like taking pottery classes? Perhaps there is a trip you have always wanted to take. Make a life’s list of things you want to do before you die and start checking them off!
- Rearrange your space: Take stock of your material possessions and remove the ones from your living space that no longer suit you or that you no longer need or use. This cleansing process might be difficult but it will help you grieve and eventually help to fill that empty space.
- Decide who you are: No matter what our age we can always ask the question, “Who do I want to be now?” You are moving from a time in your life when decisions were decided as “we” and not as “I.” Embrace your own identity and continue to learn about yourself.
Take control of your new life. With each change you make, the empty space will start to fade and your life will be filled with new experiences and happy memories.
Tags: grief, loss, Moving On, taking control
Posted in Grief Support, Loss, Moving On | No Comments »
May 7th, 2011
Losing a life-long partner comes as a shock to everyone, no matter how much you prepare and how much you know intellectually that the day will someday come. Losing a partner is very different from losing a parent, sibling, or friend. Your partner was always there, during good and bad times. Here are some things you can expect to experience if this should happen to you:
- If you are a man, our culture expects you to “be strong.” But of course, that’s not always easy, nor is it fair. It’s okay to tell your family and friends that you need to grieve and you need to cry. Those who love you will understand.
- Take care and watch your health. Often people who lose a loved one suffer from mental or physical illness. Depression is common, and lack of taking care of yourself can leave your immune system compromised.
- Everybody grieves differently and it will take you time to adjust. If you are young, you may feel like you’ve not only lost your partner, but you’ve lost your future. And of course, if you are older, you have lost your lifelong companion.
The pain of your loss will sometimes show up when you least expect it. Keep your friends and family close-by for support and remember that grief is not a single event, but instead a journey across time.
Tags: grief, grief support, loss, loss of a partner
Posted in Grief Support, Loss, Moving On | No Comments »
April 25th, 2011
One of the hardest things to think about when someone dies is how to talk to your children. We naturally want to shield children from the harsh reality of death, but that’s not always a good idea.
Death is a part of children’s lives all the time. They watch TV, play video games, and sometimes see their beloved pet die. When a family member or friend dies, that just makes it more real for them. Children are very much like adults in that they each grieve differently, but, like adults, they do grieve.
Remember to include your children in your own grief. Children want honesty and if you do not talk about something as important as death in the family, they will think you are hiding something from them. Children will use their own imagination to fill in the gaps and imagination can often be scarier than reality.
Finally, if you are comfortable, we encourage you to include your children in the burying ritual so that they have an opportunity to learn and to be a part of this significant family event. Talk to your children about what has happened and listen to their questions and feelings. They may not have the ability to express themselves as well as an adult, but their feelings are every bit as important.
Posted in Children, Grief Support | No Comments »
April 18th, 2011
Do you have a friend who is dying? Are you worried you might say the wrong thing, or, are you wondering what to say at all? Here are some ideas to ease the discomfort:
- Celebrate. Talk with your friend about your experiences together and discuss the joys you have experienced and the difficult times as well.
- Discuss options for care. As a friend, you can be the sounding board for your friend or relative. If there is illness, talk about the disease openly and discuss the various options. Will a certain treatment improve the quality of life? Discuss the benefits and side effects, keeping in mind that sometimes treatments may make a person feel sicker then the actual illness.
- Start a book club. Share books on the subject of dying with your friend and talk about them together. There are many wonderful books today on this subject from humorous to serious, spiritual to practical. Talk about what you have read and share your personal views on the subject.
- Laugh together. Death does not have to be the serious, fear based subject that we think it is. Laughter is good for the soul. Remember to laugh at the things you and your friends fear. Talk about seeing each other on the ‘other side’ and perhaps saving you a seat in a garden or on the beach or at a favorite sports event.
Above all, remember to love and cherish your friend. If you approach from a place of genuine love your friend will feel your kindness and open heart. Go ahead and start a conversation.
Posted in Elderly, Terminal Illness | No Comments »
April 11th, 2011
Those of us with elderly friends and relatives know that aging is complicated and often results in depression. The elderly, more than anyone else, know that death is near and it’s frightening, both for them and those who love them.
Reach out to seniors in your community and let them know that they are still an important part of your life. Do your best to keep them communicating in whatever way is most convenient to you both.
Sometimes we hesitate to reach out because we don’t know what to say. If you know someone who is near death, reminisce with her about your lives, the joys, and sorrows. Ask her about her happiest times. Tell her how important she is to you. Keep the dialog going. You both will benefit tremendously from spending that precious time together.
Keeping in touch can sometimes feel like a chore and often it is hard, but it is always the right thing to do. Reach out to someone today. You will be so glad that you did.
Posted in Elderly, Terminal Illness | No Comments »
Clawson 
