Here are some really great benefits of having a thankful outlook:

• It is one of the simpler routes to a greater sense of emotional well-being, higher overall life satisfaction, and a greater sense of happiness in life.
• People with a higher level of gratitude tend to have stronger relationships in that they appreciate their loved ones more, which in turn helps their loved ones to appreciate them more!
• Those with an attitude of gratitude tend to be happier, sleep better, and enjoy healthier relationships which all helps them to be healthier people.

Fortunately for those of us who do not naturally see the silver lining in life’s negative events, it is possible to learn this behavior. Whenever you notice yourself feeling negatively about a stressor in your life, remind yourself of three or four related things for which you are grateful. If you’re stressed about a project at work, think about aspects of your job that you like. You can do the same with relationship stress or financial stress.

Another great way to become more positive is by keeping a gratitude journal. At the end of each day write down the events that occurred for which you are thankful. If you had a particularly hard day, force yourself to come up with at least two good things that came out of it. It will be difficult at first, but as you continue this practice you will begin to notice that you are thinking more positively in the moment, not just reflectively at the end of the day. Your positive attitude will become more automatic, and you will soon start to reap all of the benefits of a thankful outlook!

The practice of natural burial dates back thousands of years but has been interrupted in modern times by “technological advances” (vaults, liners, embalming, mausoleums, etc.) that mitigate the decomposition process. The current funeral practices of embalming a body have only been popular in the United States since the Civil War, when bodies needed to make it from the battlefield to their home for burial. So, in many ways, green burials are simply a return to the way things used to be done. The principle behind this practice is to follow the natural cycle of life by returning the body to the earth and embracing the philosophy of “ashes to ashes, dust to dust.”

Green burials provide a reduced environmental impact over conventional burials, as well as the benefits of land preservation and affordability. Many advocates of these eco-friendly burials argue that traditional burials are a waste of resources: each year, cemeteries bury millions of feet of wood, thousands of tons of steel, copper, and concrete, and hundreds of thousands of gallons of embalming fluids which commonly contains formaldehyde, a known carcinogen.

We are proud to be a member of the Green Burial Council and to offer respectful and dignified green burials to those who have a special concern for nature and the environment. If you’re considering a green burial but want to know more, please call us and we can discuss your options.

Every family has thousands of stories to tell. Whether they are epic tales that changed people’s lives, or simple anecdotes that remind us of someone or someplace, they are all stories of things that have happened. Some people grew up hearing stories of the things that their grandparents and parents had done when they were younger. Others have families that are less enthusiastic sharers. But whether you grew up hearing the stories or not, rest assured, they are there. And they are all worthy of sharing.

Take this month as an opportunity to sit down with some of the older members of your family and ask them about their stories. You will undoubtedly learn something about them that you didn’t know before, and you can pass those stories on to other family members. Maybe you will create a newsletter to send to your relatives, or a personal blog that you can update with new stories as you hear them. Maybe you’ll even go so far as to trace your family tree.

When your loved ones pass on, their stories will help to keep their memory alive and can be a great comfort. Sharing family stories is a great way to stay connected to your relatives, and creates a tradition of sharing and storytelling that can last for generations.

You should begin by addressing the card to a specific person. If you did not know the deceased but are close to someone in the family, address the card to the person who you are close to. If you were close to the deceased but did not know that person’s family, then you should address the card to the person’s spouse (if they had one), their oldest child, then to a sibling.

Keep your opening thoughts simple. You’re trying to deliver a message, not win a writing contest. Avoid flowery prose and get right to the point.  For example, “I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss” is short, to the point, and sincere. If you knew the deceased, write about a fond memory that you have of them. If you did not know the deceased, focus on the person who you are writing to. Let them know that you support them, and that you are thinking of them.

If you are offering help, be specific about what you can provide. “Let me know if there is anything that I can do to help” is a very nice sentiment, but is said so often that people are not likely to take you up on it for fear of imposing. Outlining exactly what you are able to offer, “Let me know if you need a break from cooking and I’ll bring you over a casserole” or “If you need some time alone I can watch your kids for an afternoon,” will make it easier for your friend to accept your help.

Conclude with a simple sentence that reiterates your support. “My thoughts are with you and your family.”

Be sure to write legibly so that your message is easy to read, and limit your card to 3 short paragraphs.

Don’t get too hung up on the details. The most important part of sending a sympathy card is to let someone know that you’re thinking of them while they are going through a difficult time. They will appreciate that you’ve taken the time to express your condolences and will likely be comforted that you thought of them during their time of grief.

Visit our grief support library for more ideas on how to comfort someone who has lost a loved one.

So how can you grieve in a healthy way?

Give yourself time to grieve

You will not get over your loss overnight, and allowing yourself an appropriate amount of time to grieve is the first step in the healing process. Allow yourself to feel the immense pain of your loss. Look at pictures of the person you’ve lost and allow yourself to cry uncontrollably. Acknowledge that your life has changed and that moving on is going to be very difficult. Trying to hide your grief, or burying it deep inside before you are truly over it, could make the healing process last for years as your emotions resurface.

Find a support system

Dealing with your grief on your own can make you feel alone and isolated from the world. Find friends, family, a trusted professional, or support group to listen to you. If you can’t find one in your area, or just prefer online support groups, try the Beyond Indigo message boards. They are filled with others who understand what you’re going through. It’s important to talk about what you’re feeling and to let the pain out.  There is no shame in seeking professional help if you find that you’re having trouble getting over your grief.

Express your feelings in a tangible way

Write about your loss in a personal journal. Write a letter to your loved one expressing the things you never got to say. Create a scrapbook celebrating their life.  Paint a picture of your emotions. Creating something new allows you to express your pain and let your feelings out.

Take care of your health

The mind and body are connected. When you feel good physically, you will start to feel better emotionally. Be sure to get enough sleep, eat right, and exercise.  When you’re feeling particularly down, go for a long walk. Exercise releases endorphins that can naturally help to reduce your pain.

Volunteer your time

When you’re mourning it can be difficult to find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Try getting involved in a cause or organization that your loved one felt strongly about, or one that you feel strongly about. Helping others is a wonderful way to not only make a positive impact for others, but to help yourself see things in a more positive light.

Whatever you do, don’t bottle up your pain or try to rush yourself through your grief. Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling as it comes to you without regard to how you or others may think you “should” feel.  Take the time you need to mourn, but also realize that you need to find enjoyment and happiness in your life.

For more thoughts and ideas visit our grief support library.

The colors of the fall leaves are a beautiful testament to the change that is with all of us. Most people resist change. It’s scary, un-tested, and full of unknowns. But, change can bring renewal, refreshment, and untapped energy that we never knew existed.

This fall season, as we admire the beauty that is around us, take inspiration from the falling leaves and look within to change some of your own colors. You may be pleasantly surprised with your own personal change of season.

She said, “First you breathe.” “Then, she continued, “you take one step at a time. “ After a while – weeks, months, years – you find yourself laughing again and slowly living again. She was inspirational in her honesty about the process of grieving and the ability to eventually look forward to each day and to savor life. At age 87, she feels her best days are still ahead of her!

Of course, advice is only words and each of us much travel this journey in our own way and in our own time. We hold in common the need to mourn our loved ones as well as the ability to stay strong and continue on, just as our lost loved ones would want us to do.

To see the interview with Gloria Vanderbilt click here.

1. It is important to know that most people grieve anywhere from three to seven years. Don’t expect it to go away once your child is distracted with friends and schoolwork. It will subside, but it will still be with your child for some time.
2. Good nutrition is essential to keeping strong. Encourage your son or daughter to eat three healthy meals a day. This will go a long way in building up the strength needed to handle both the grief and the schoolwork.
3. Encourage your child to reach out to friends at school. Friends will be eager to offer support and will appreciate feeling needed.
4. Get help. If grief is overwhelming, or if your child just needs someone to talk to about their feelings, by all means encourage them to seek professional help from a school psychologist or local therapist. The schools health center will happily share names of local therapists who are trained to help in exactly these situations.

Remember your child must take care of him- or herself first, and then school. Everything else will become easier to manage with that in mind.

1. Hidden Angels – People can be a blessing. As we walk through our grief journey people come into our lives to help ease our pain. Take a moment and appreciate all those around you in this difficult time. They are your angels.
2. The Ordinary – Grief often brings into focus our daily life that we assume will “always” be the same. What we might take for granted now can come into full bloom when contrasted with death. Our families, our loved ones and our health start taking on far more importance and they are treasured far more. Material concerns have a chance during a loss to take a second seat. We get back to basics and realize what we have is good. What a blessing.
3. Opportunity – Death is permanent. Once a death occurs, it is hard to say, ”I am sorry”, or, “I love you.” It reminds us that we have the opportunity to tell others that we love them or that we are sorry or how important they are in our lives. Take this blessing of time to let others in your life know how important they are to you.
4. Celebration – Celebrate any occasion, any holiday or special event with a friend and share all the joys of the person lost. Remember well, and then go ahead and enjoy the day, the hour and the moment. NOW is what we all have.

Always know that while we mourn, there are blessings that come from our grief. Focus on these and you will come through your grief with an even greater appreciation of your life.