Do you have a friend who is dying? Are you worried you might say the wrong thing, or, are you wondering what to say at all? Here are some ideas to ease the discomfort:

1. Celebrate. Talk with your friend about your experiences together and discuss the joys you have experienced and the difficult times as well.
2. Discuss options for care. As a friend, you can be the sounding board for your friend or relative. If there is illness, talk about the disease openly and discuss the various options. Will a certain treatment improve the quality of life? Discuss the benefits and side effects, keeping in mind that sometimes treatments may make a person feel sicker then the actual illness.
3. Start a book club. Share books on the subject of dying with your friend and talk about them together. There are many wonderful books today on this subject from humorous to serious, spiritual to practical. Talk about what you have read and share your personal views on the subject.
4. Laugh together. Death does not have to be the serious, fear based subject that we think it is. Laughter is good for the soul. Remember to laugh at the things you and your friends fear. Talk about seeing each other on the ‘other side’ and perhaps saving you a seat in a garden or on the beach or at a favorite sports event.

Above all, remember to love and cherish your friend. If you approach from a place of genuine love your friend will feel your kindness and open heart. Go ahead and start a conversation.

Those of us with elderly friends and relatives know that aging is complicated and often results in depression. The elderly, more than anyone else, know that death is near and it’s frightening, both for them and those who love them.

Reach out to seniors in your community and let them know that they are still an important part of your life.  Do your best to keep them communicating in whatever way is most convenient to you both.

Sometimes we hesitate to reach out because we don’t know what to say. If you know someone who is near death, reminisce with her about your lives, the joys, and sorrows. Ask her about her happiest times. Tell her how important she is to you. Keep the dialog going.  You both will benefit tremendously from spending that precious time together.

Keeping in touch can sometimes feel like a chore and often it is hard, but it is always the right thing to do. Reach out to someone today. You will be so glad that you did.

When you reach a certain age, it is not uncommon to be around death a lot. Your friends are dying and sometimes you have more friends in the cemetery than you do alive. Those who are around you are usually careful not to talk about the elephant in the room: death.

We think talking about death can be helpful to both those who seem far from that day, and those who know it will come soon. Here are some useful tips for talking to a friend or family member who has a terminal illness:

• Ask your friend what she believes will happen when she dies. This is can be a hard subject to broach since we have not been socialized to talk about death. In fact, we have been trained that this topic should be avoided whenever possible. Just take the first step and ask, “What do you think happens when you die?” Feel free to start the conversation with your own beliefs on death and dying. Let it be known you are open to discussing life and death issues, but remember, people do not like to be pushed.
• Share books with each other on the subject. Start a small book club that reads about death and dying issues. There are many books today on this subject which range from spiritual beliefs to after death communications. Talk about what you have read and share your personal views on the subject.
• Celebrate the lives you have lived. Talk about life as you and your friend have lived it. What have been the greatest experiences? What have been the hardest ones? Share the joys and the loves that have come into your lives. Assess your current blessings.
• Discuss options about care for illness. People who are dying have said some of the best days of their lives had been the ones leading up to their deaths because they really felt alive. With this in mind it is particularly important to choose what type of medical care you want if you become sick or debilitated. As a friend, you can be the sounding board for your friend. If there is illness talk about the disease openly and discuss the various options. Will a certain treatment improve the quality of life? Many treatments make a person sicker then the actual illness.
• Laugh together but be serious and honest as well. Death does not have to be the serious, fear based subject that we think it is. Laughter is good for the soul. Remember to laugh at the things you and your friends fear. Talk about seeing each other on the ‘other side’ and perhaps saving you a seat in a garden or on the beach or at a favorite sports event.

Above all, remember to love and cherish your friend or family member. If you can approach from a place of grace your friend will feel your kindness and open heart. When you are sure of yourself and not fearful, your friend will feel calmer and be in a better place to explore this issue with you.