Archive for the ‘Children’ Category

How Children Grieve

Monday, April 25th, 2011

One of the hardest things to think about when someone dies is how to talk to your children. We naturally want to shield children from the harsh reality of death, but that’s not always a good idea.

Death is a part of children’s lives all the time. They watch TV, play video games, and sometimes see their beloved pet die. When a family member or friend dies, that just makes it more real for them.  Children are very much like adults in that they each grieve differently, but, like adults, they do grieve.

Remember to include your children in your own grief. Children want honesty and if you do not talk about something as important as death in the family, they will think you are hiding something from them. Children will use their own imagination to fill in the gaps and imagination can often be scarier than reality.

Finally, if you are comfortable, we encourage you to include your children in the burying ritual so that they have an opportunity to learn and to be a part of this significant family event. Talk to your children about what has happened and listen to their questions and feelings. They may not have the ability to express themselves as well as an adult, but their feelings are every bit as important.

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Children and Pet Loss

Monday, March 14th, 2011

When a beloved family pet dies, often children grieve just as if that pet were human. In fact, it’s not unusual for children sometimes to grieve more for a pet than for a relative who has passed away. There are many reasons that children feel the loss so deeply. Children become very attached to their pet because the pet is there every day for them. Often children feel they can talk to their pet in ways they cannot to their own parents. Pets are loyal, friendly, and always happy to see you. Losing that can be very hard.

If you have a child who is grieving over a lost pet, here are some things you can do to help your child heal:

  • Do not down-play your child’s grief over the loss of their pet. To your child, the loss is deep, personal, and it hurts.
  • Talk to your child about their feelings. If your child has trouble verbalizing his thoughts, you could ask him to draw pictures of him and his pet. Then ask him to talk about the pictures.
  • Suggest creating a memorial for your pet. You can include drawings, photos, poems, etc. and even hold a family memorial service.
  • Talk to your child about grief and explain that getting a new pet right away won’t make the sad feelings go away. Tell your child that in time, if it’s right for your family, then a new pet may be brought into your home.
  • Assure your child that any new pet would never be a replacement for your lost pet. Help him understand that a new pet will bring a whole new and different friendship to the family.

Pet loss is a wonderful way for children to learn about loss and subsequent grief. The way to help them handle their emotions and questions during this loss will set the stage for future losses amongst friends and family members. Don’t avoid the subject, but address it head on.

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